Lenny the Car and Neck Trauma Giraffe

I’ve noticed I’ve been posting lots of wordy posts. So here are some pictures.

Everything in our place gets a name. Not just my bewildering number of computers, but everything – toys, washing machines, everything.

Lenny the white Forester

Lenny the white Forester


This is Lenny my car. He’s named for my grandfather who delighted in the name good solid Dutch name of Leendert! Of course once he migrated here be became Lenny or Len. Not only did he build cars for decades, his inheritance helped me buy this car.

Ingrid the Washing Machine

Ingrid the Washing Machine


Ingrid the washing machine. My sister helped us buy it, Ingrid is her middle name. And sterling service this machine is giving us… Pip, did you have to pee on ANOTHER NAPPY???

So, now it starts getting a bit odd.

Vuvuzela the breast pump

Vuvuzela the breast pump


This is our Avent breast pump. It has some ridiculous model name like “Genius IQ”. We decided it looked like an airhorn, or possibly a Vuvuzela. So now I hear “My breasts are full, bring the Vuvuzela!”

Mr Snuffleupagus the air-conditioner.

Mr Snuffleupagus the air-conditioner.


Mr Snuffleupagus our portable air-conditioner. Enough said!

Hedge Turtle

Hedge Turtle


We were given this toy a few days back. He (she? it?) is either a Turtle or a Hedgehog, although he has some Seal-like features and his shell looks like a Giraffe. So we’ve decided to call him Hedge Turtle. Great toy, easy to hold, nice and fluffy.

And finally I present:

Neck Trauma Giraffe

Neck Trauma Giraffe – Noise making Giraffe who suffered a bit in transit!


It’s Neck Trauma Giraffe! This is a Cloud B Gentle Giraffe which I picked up on eBay for cheap, because it had a damaged box. Said box had partly throttled him in transit and his neck is not quite right! Still, he makes the happy noises he was designed to make.

So now I’m going to go clean the Vuvuzela, put a load of washing in Ingrid, cuddle Hedge-Turtle, then take a trip in Lenny out to the chemist.

Yes, I will accept your offer of Sleep

Here’s a useful rule of thumb: when the baby sleeps, you sleep! So what am I doing up blogging? Hmmm…

Here’s another useful rule of thumb: if you find a flat comfortable surface, make use of it. Case in point: we popped into the hospital on Monday night to get Pip’s jaundice looked at. There was an (adult) examination bed there in the room they popped us into. So without hesitation I lay myself down on it and took a rest! Pip was asleep in his car seat, and D was comfortable in a chair. Medical types wandered in and out, they’ve seen tired daddy’s before and didn’t bat an eyelid. I answered questions as required from the bed.

BTW, Pip’s jaundice turned out to be “perfectly normal” and we just had to keep feeding him and get him some indirect sunlight.

“Yeah that’s perfectly normal”

So there are a lot of odd things that happen with babies. Some of them are expected, for example when Pip came out I wasn’t surprised that his head looked like a gnome’s hat, or that when he startled he flailed his entire body.

But some things are just weird.

We’ve had lots of contact with nurses and midwives at our great hospital, so I get to ask questions like “His first poos look like sticky tar” and to be told “That’s perfectly normal, it’s stuff that’s been in his digestive tract for months.”

He took to barfing up yellow and then clear goo, before he was really feeding. We were told “That’s perfectly normal, he’s obviously swallowed some mucus while being born.”

We found some odd red patches in his nappy when he’d had a good wee. “That’s perfectly normal, he has some proteins [er, my recollection of the exact substance is dim] in his urinary system which he’s now getting rid of.”

So so far we’ve had a Perfectly Normal baby!

I Feel I Should Have An Opinion about this Kochie Breastfeeding Fuss

I feel like I should form an opinion about this sunrise host breastfeeding fuss as a new daddy with a breast feeding partner.

But I’m finding it incredibly hard to give a fuck about the mindless musings of some B-list celebrity TV host on a show I never ever watch on a TV station I also never watch! I don’t doubt that the twit is an insensitive numpty, but I would expect nothing less from trivial little talking head from a fluffy show on a commercial television show. I doubt they’ve ever had an insight of any kind.

And needless to say the opinions of any man on a subject like breast feeding or anything else which is unique to women (see the US Republicans for some lovely opinions on the subject) are of absolutely no consequence whatsoever. This includes mine – owning a penis and being a middle aged white man gives me no privileges at all!

OK, this got a bit ranty. I’ll leave it to the feisty breast feeding militia to hang him by the balls.

One final thing. He was quoted today saying he was the subject of a social media vendetta, or words to that effect. To which I say – social is the voice of the people these days, get used to hearing from everyone. When women are pissed, these will let you know!

Suddenly: Baby!

So, somewhat unexpectedly, although not technically early, we had a baby in the early morning of Sunday the 20th of January. Pip’s due date was February 1st, but as I mentioned in an earlier post, due dates are A Tissue of Lies! Pip turning up at 38 weeks and 2 days is therefore perfectly normal.

I will write a much longer post on the subject soon. I was planning a post about how labour never really follows the traditional, clichéd, movie and TV scenario. Which goes roughly:

  1. Waters Break
  2. Contractions start
  3. Mad dash to hospital
  4. A great deal of screaming and squeezing of hands
  5. Baby appears

I was going to say how rare this actually is and all births are different and so on, as if four birthing classes have made me some kind of expert.

But for us is this more or less exactly what happened! Complete with screaming mother-to-be in the back seat of the car!

Will flesh out the story soon, maybe once I’ve got some – some! – of my sleep debt erased*.

(* this never happens.)